pause in points

the first thing i see when i open my blog are the list of entries, both published and unfinished drafts. 

years ago i would be lucky if i get a page view or two. i'm an online nobody. not even my friends know i keep a blog. but recently, i've been getting a lot more page views. way more than my instagram story views.

my hunch is artificial intelligence.

when the spike of page views first happened, i felt conscious about my writing. like now, i had an audience to show up for. i just used to write to process my feelings, somehow make an art out of it.

i will admit, at one point, i ran my write ups through chatgpt to improve it. just as i do with my emails and other work documents.

but then over optimization killed the magic of creative writing for me.

i have more page views now, but i'm still a nobody.

even if, by sheer luck, i become significant because of what i do here, at some point in the distant future, i will be a nobody. historical figures like cleopatra, abraham lincoln and joseph stalin aren't exactly daily thoughts for the vast majority of people today.

so the insignificance is freeing. no need to perfectly craft the sequence of words for an audience i won't see. no need to bother to be understood more than words express.

i'm grateful for my natural penchant for words, the tools available to me and, most importantly, the time i have to exercise my freedom.

but all of this is borrowed.

borrowed time, fleeting moments.

nevertheless, at the very least, in this brief blip i occupy in the timeline of humanity

i am in my own space, my own time

able to share love, as much as i can

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