authoritarianship
i have trouble seeking help. i hate it when well-meaning people try and fail. they don't know what i need, they don't know what to do. they try. but they don't hit the mark. so i worked hard to be hyper-independent. being good at a lot of things so i won't be needing someone else. it helps that i'm interested in a lot of things. motivated when i start learning. tapering off just at the right time before i become adept. and by the time my problem needs expert help, i can outsource to professionals. i hate receiving gifts. it's never what i want. just a generic piece of capitalism. it's the thought that counts. but i don't need thoughts, i need utility. i grew up with most of my things not being my decision. my identity worked around what others had chosen for me. but now that i can buy whatever i want, i somehow have a hold on my identity. until i get another gift. but then again, as i get more independence and move into the world by my own decisions, my...