eat me henger

in moments i think about pending apologies. but they're fleeting, i move on, as they probably would have too. unrepentant, unforgiven. life goes on. buried feelings of regret. unacknowledged pains. surmising the corrective action with unverified empathy. but there will be that nagging signal. something silent, something wrong. unfortunately, the effort to move forward flawed is more tolerable than unearthing all wrongs to end with a simple word: sorry.

in my mid 30s, my mind is still noisy. i keep wondering about things. just recently, after a trip from hanoi, i wondered about the utility of rice noodles. i have a life to maintain. work to do. relationships to keep. and i wonder about an ingredient i barely eat. i call it noise. it makes it hard to truly focus on things directly related to matters at hand. i've lived a scattered life. colorful, sure. my life is a lawn dotted with rabbit holes. it's unsightly for those that live focused lives. strategic in productivity and ambition. but i suppose there's room for being different. perhaps those that are singular in mindset have shunned the diversity of paths life could take. to them, nothing is more correct than their direction. a solidly defined purpose. and that's what makes them good at it. maybe for someone like me, and probably many others, constantly chasing curiosities is the life worth living. perhaps fluid in purpose. maybe the noise in my head - constantly ask...