continuing downhill

i don't see it. 

i don't see how i can be a lover again. i have a dwindling career. i only have fair-weather friends. i have no interest in living life outside the same things i do at home on weekends.

i've regressed into debilitating mental instability. i'm just good at temporary roles, for when my moments of lucidity allows me. i can't talk to my folks because they were never there. just enough to keep a roof over my head.

i'm invisibly disabled. i can go through enough real-life motions to convince others that i'm allowed in society. but really, once my parents are dead, i'll soon follow.

i'm not convinced i can make it through life given my limitations. neither am i convinced anyone is capable of helping me get through life. people have given up on me several times. i don't blame them, i gave up on myself too.o

because what's the point? i'm only temporarily useful.

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