adult lessons

i get to live the life i want, and yet i still choose to want the life i will live. 

today and tomorrow will be as tough as yesterday because someday it will get better. but every now and then i look into the mirror and see mediocrity embodied in a bag of sagging flesh. i put up with what felt like agonizing difficulty for what?

there's enough years in me that i can look back with longing and regret. i wish i knew at the time that it was going to be as good as it could get. my inexperience muddled my expectations. i thought it was a predictably linear trajectory from inadequate anonymity to accomplished relevancy. but life is a roll of the dice.

so many last moments passed by, so many peaks i was unaware. 

all because i lacked the gratefulness in the present and humility in uncertainty.

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