11 out of 10

for more than a minute there, i lost myself.

i haven't been writing here, not because i've been occupied with school papers, but because i've been overdoing it at work. that has been such a disservice for me because i wasn't allotting time for who i genuinely am - a thinker. i'm not a good doer. mental gymnastics just come to me more naturally than grinding it out.

in fact, no, i'm not just a thinker. with the rate of which thoughts run through my head and coming from all directions, i'm an overthinker.

every now and then, i need to return to the core of my identity. it takes effort. the kind of effort that will leave me unproductive elsewhere for half a day. but that's because i've co-opted the definition of "productivity" as what matters for my boss, rather than for myself or my loved ones.

it's only been two months, it's a short enough time to get back to who i am... or at the very least, who i am happiest with.

i don't know the long term effects of not hustling as much as i could've had. but neither am i certain if my efforts will meaningfully bear fruit in the future. i could very well end up in an accident one of these days. life is so fragile.

i just need a balance of building for tomorrow while still appreciating today.

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