kids return

i've forgotten the real purpose of my blog because i had thought i can comfortably get by without returning. but if i keep my negative thoughts to myself for far too long, it'll eventually find its way out.

and nobody's really receptive to the shit i have to spew. everyone's got their problems to worry about or their own parades they don't want rained on. my issues are objectively petty - agonizing over a decade-old argument, cringing over an unnoticeable faux pas, obsessing over the most minute of imperfections. unfortunately, when left alone with my thoughts, they're subjectively crippling. the real solution is for me to just "man up".

opening up about my anxieties has no place in regular discourse. even before i start explaining myself to others, i've already figured myself out already. i'm self-aware enough to recognize when i'm being too much of a pussy, or letting my pride get in the way, or just simply being stupid. i don't need other people explaining me to myself. 98% of the time, they're wrong. nobody's a better expert of myself than me.

i'm however open to others explaining why the circumstances were the case or even speculating the causes of the forces at play. there's much i don't know about the world around me - big ideas i've yet to discover and even minor blindspots i'm simply oblivious to. i'm an idiot in that regard.

i guess that's why this blog has always felt like home to me. nothing comes close. unlike the real world where i'm constantly misunderstood, this blog enables me to understand myself. unlike the real world where i'm reminded of my failures, this blog rejuvenates me to return to chasing my next triumph. unlike the real world where i wish to die, this blog immortalizes my ideas.

granted google's servers live forever.


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