jade is the color of magic disappearing

when i was younger, my first consideration in anything was "what's in it for me?"

being self-serving was fun while it lasted. but then perks have become less and less alluring. been there, done that, anything else new? nothing. oh well. so why even try?

with age, my consideration has primarily become "how soon can i get it over with?"

very rarely are things worth the energy anymore. almost everything leaves me tired rather than satisfied. i've grown to accept that disenchantment is the norm. it's not that i know how the tricks are done, but i just don't bother with finding out how rabbits are pulled out of hats. i'm sure there's some brilliant mechanism behind it that someone must've worked hard for. but i'm not the audience anymore.

i've given up on finding that magic. it's lost, but it's not an absolute loss. life will go on without it. there will be a next day. it doesn't have to be remarkable. it just has to keep on going.

until the curtains close.


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