punchline

i'm the funny guy that wants to die.

for one to bring happiness to others and want death for yourself can be both true. a quick wit and an ability to humor an audience doesn't have to come from a place of joy. it's largely a matter of intelligence you were born with and skill that you hone through time until being funny becomes second nature. at my worst day, i can still come up with something that gets a couple of chuckles. oftentimes when i make people laugh, as soon as i find time solely for myself, i return to a somber state of emptiness. agonizing until the next time i'm called up to stage to put up another act. it's not that i'm coming from a place of disingenuousness, humor is as real as it gets, it can't be funny if it doesn't dig into a deep truth in people's heads.

just because i smile or laugh with others in the moment doesn't mean i will share the same satisfaction once they're done with me. as they remember me fondly, i will be out of their sights as i constantly think to myself that i need to be shot in the head.

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