nothing a night of alcohol can't fix

i hate seeing cool people that aren't my real friends.

yeah sure, every once in a while i scroll through my facebook feed just to see how people think. then there's this one super cool facebook friend that isn't really my friend. and i hate that. it feels like a frustrating limbo in between acquaintance and celebrity. i don't want to start a conversation either. cause i know how i am with the opposite sex or non-binaries, especially with people that there's great potential to get along with. i don't like getting into those hairy situations again because i'm sure even if all i want is momentary company i'll be someone else's soulmate again.

i have a new found respect for sexually promiscuous individuals. at least they know how to temper expectations and react accordingly. get in, get out, cut off. i like the "cut off" part, the getting in and out would have been fun if i had the inclination or talent to get into it.

the problem with not being mainstream is that people that don't know you will expect the mainstream from you. i'll be judged, i'll be misunderstood, and i'll be seen as stereotypically evil because with all the incomplete pieces they have of me, it can be put together to fit an archetype that is malevolent by mainstream standards.

it's more nuanced than that.

like many others, i really am shades of gray. i'm good in some parts, i'm bad in some parts. there are aspects to my personality that make me worth keeping around, just as much as there are parts of me that ought to blacklist me from people's lives.

i think my ability to make people feel genuinely special is enough reason to have cool kids stay as far away from me as possible.

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