slipknot

the real stress test is when i have to deal with the rest of the world. i can tell i'm not fully prepared. i'm still extremely volatile. i have my finger on the trigger that twitches at the slightest hint of danger. i prepared for a war that never happened. so i'm keen on using up my rotting stockpile. so by comparison, i'm bringing guns to everybody else's knife fights.

i've grown to have a low tolerance for pieces of shit in my life. i'm generous with my kindness, as much as i'm generous with my fury. life has become a purge for me. i haven't been the same ever since. there's no undoing the past, but neither will i pretend that the past never happened.

it's not an entirely good thing to wield your jungian shadow. i'm aware of my capacity for evil. i'm not calloused, i have my morals too, but my sense of justice is daft. i've become extremely vindictive. the hierarchy of my enemies lost its gradation. a small infarction will get the same amount of punishment for the most heinous of crimes. i will choke the air out of a petty thief and relish in knowing that the last thing they will see is the idiot they tried to fool. in my eyes, every enemy wears the same mask.

i don't like how i turned out. but then again, i turned out this way because i allowed others to put me in this path.

no longer.

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