respawning assassins

she was a manipulator. and i allowed her to run circles around me.

i don't think i've forgiven her nor myself for letting it happen the way it did. since i knew that i was being played, i thought i was impervious to its ill effects. i was careless. but when you know who the criminal is, you're able to defend yourself, right? i was wrong. it only meant she was more emboldened to pull the trigger on me. it only meant i saw it coming.

as long as you're within striking distance, no matter how high you've put your guard up, you will always be attacked.

so instead of defending myself, it was better to avoid the risk in the first place. prevention is indeed better than cure. god knows how long you'll need therapeutics until you recover. the good thing about evasive maneuvers is that you don't have to deal with any pain at all. it keeps you from having to waste time and energy from nursing yourself back to health. it keeps you safe and secure.

but sometimes you don't have a choice. you can't avoid manipulators because everyone is capable of doing so to a degree. understanding how and why people are like that can only do so much, especially when doing so it eats up your patience. my resentment builds up and erodes my trust in others. now anyone can be an enemy. now you lose sight of who your allies are. because they have set their crosshairs on you, and at any moment they can pull the trigger. and at any moment, they ignite the man on fire.

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