quarter to five

what the hell have i gotten myself into.

this was more than what i bargained for. the expectation was to make the most of present until the sands of time run out. not being dealt with a massive hourglass to potentially keep flipping to infinity. it's a pleasant surprise. this was never in any of my computations. not that i was any good at math at all. so it figures. but neither can we determine with certainty the outcomes of permutations which we're unaware of the variables.

it shouldn't have added up to this. but this where we are right now.

it's both a challenge and a reprieve. the lingering question of whether i'll ever be enough has been satisfied for the time being. coming from the most devastating vote of no confidence, the future appeared bleak. now my perceived worth as a worthwhile investment isn't absolute and may not necessarily stand the test of time. that's why i have to put in the hours to prove my worth. that's why i have to step up to keep taking it to the next level. that's why i have to stay consistent to climb the ladder. you can't get your money's worth if you don't put in the work.

this is what i signed up for when i decided to be open about my feelings. i ought to get strapped. we're in it for the long haul.

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