quick calcification

does any sublime sense of appreciation towards the opposite sex warrant romance?

i can't throw around such labels willy nilly cause clearly i have virtually zero long term success with it. i have to be conservative because i don't want to add another latest to my long list of lost loves. i just want to get it right this time and that means thinking it through.

being enamored to this degree by default is enough to convince me that i should go fall in love. when rudimentary requirements of a romantic relationship are reasonably realized, then yeah sure, we can go to town with it. not an ugly face? not abnormal genetics? not an awkward time? if all of it are satisfied, then we've got someone worth looking into. my basic decision-making logic is based on negatives because the extraordinary positives are present as they are prerequisites to even consider the person in the first place. a beautiful face? an impeccable physique? a wonderful mind? if any of it are satisfied, then by all accounts it should be a no-brainer.

but again, we don't want to add another latest to my long list of lost loves.

so why can't i just feel intensely about someone and not have it result to anything more than the status quo? really close friends are a thing. i have a handful. it can be as long term as any romantic arrangement. it's definitely more stable given that there are less feelings involved, and less vulnerabilities exposed. i don't have to stick my tongue into another person's mouth just because i want to be close to them. contrary to popular belief, i'm not compelled to impregnate anyone that wears a dress. i'm a passionate guy, but my hedonistic desires don't play a large part in establishing human connections.

the current track does make sense. and yet it feels like it's diverging down the line.

i have to stop myself there because i've been in the same place before - putting too much weight on the potential of a good future that i've forgotten to live in the present. the pace that we're moving is good. i'm grateful for yesterday, i'm appreciative of today, and i'm looking forward to tomorrow. i don't want to disrupt that. there's no need for it, in my estimation.

but if later on i have to decide whether i have to shift to a different direction, then we'll cross the bridge when we get there.

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