pork and social scene

it's been a while since i've been this elated with life.

and my spirits have never been lifted by a reason such as this.

i've always been one to feel strong feelings toward things that mattered to me. it ranges from cripplingly depressive, outrageously infuriating, and now, it's euphoric. unfortunately i can't exactly put my finger as to why i feel this way. it's simply not because i'm happy - that happens to me all the time. it's simply not because i'm healthy - i've been maintaining a better state for quite a while already. it's simply not because i'm secure - i'm in fact the farthest thing from it given the sorry state of affairs of the world.

so i really have no idea.

what i'm certain of is that i feel intensely appreciative with a recent constant. which on paper, shouldn't be noteworthy at all. anyone can be funny, anyone can be creative, anyone can be insightful. but you really couldn't simply take anyone and replace them with the person i have right now. it's a perfect storm of the right and wrong things coming together to make something beautiful.

the closest thing i could liken this is the feeling of falling in love. and i'm certainly wrestling with the thought whether it is or it isn't. however, regardless whichever it is, what i'm absolutely certain of is it's something i cherish. it doesn't have to be one way or another to be more important. cause if there's anything i learned about my recent struggles, it's that the amount of blessings or hardships that i'll be getting are largely out of my hands. no matter how hard i work or pour myself into anything.

what i do have control over is how much i will allow them to define my life. what i do have control over is how much i can be more of a blessing and less of a hardship to others.

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