dark side of the gym

when you fall in love, it never absolutely disappears.

i still have a warm regard for them. if the soles of their feet are blistered from wearing heels all day, i'd be the first to get them a chair. if they decide to put up a bakery, i'd have a courier arrange for the delivery of the cupcakes. if they're in a tight situation and are short on ramen funds, i'd immediately cover the bill.

it's the least i could do.

despite not being attracted to them anymore nor having a desire to try and find a flame to rekindle, i believe they're still special human beings and the world is a much better place because of their existence. appreciating them from afar is the best form of relationship i could have with them. there's a reason it didn't work out in the end. being in close proximity with anyone reveal parts of people that spells the difference between temporary and permanent. while my time with them were short-lived, i'm certain that love, in whatever form, endures.

and i guess that to me is what makes a full life. one where you open yourself up to be touched in a deep and intimate way that no other soul could do - and failing, and getting up, and failing again, and getting up again. it's a risk, it can be terrifying, but with each attempt you learn and become a better person in the process. in the end it's gratifying because you have lived for something bigger than just yourself.

cause if all we did in life was to pursue what was easy, then might as well eat instant noodles every single day. cause if all we wanted was to be completely certain, then it blurs the line between anticipation and inaction.

cause if all we wanted was to be adored, then it runs the risk that we might never be loved.