no child of mine

i'm fine leaving her more damaged than when i first found her. does that make me a horrible ex? yeah sure, whatever.

i used to pour all of my energy to save her, but that's when she hasn't decided yet to bite the hand that was helping her out of the ditch she drove herself into in the first place. the moment i found out her betrayal, that's when love was thrown out of the window. and yes, doing so i've also thrown the baby out along with the bathwater. i'm convinced it's only rational to hold things in conditionality if our relationship devolved into something transactional.

appealing to my humanity is an exercise in futility. i've exhibited a cold ruthlessness to even my own flesh and blood that i've been living with for years, how could something in a much worse situation that brings virtually zero value to my life be any different?

people throw the word "love" so easily without understanding how difficult it actually is. people think that just because something could be my own flesh and blood, "love" is automatic. but what people don't understand is how much this period of my life ruined the meaning of "love" for me.

i had loved her in the most sincere and purest way possible - more than what i had thought i was capable of. so what kind of idiot would think that i still have it in me to love anything that comes out of her?

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