joyeux death knell

my default state has been a flatlined lifelessness. people think i'm intimidating. moody perhaps is a better term. it takes a while before i get my social engines running. more so, it takes a reasonable cause before i even start considering putting my keys into the ignition switch. and the reason has to be exogenous.

in a lot of ways, i've given up on myself. in perhaps a messianic way, all i'm compelled to be is a tool to share love and contribute into this whole threaded life force that connects us all. i have no better way of making that sound less like some stupid spiritual bullcrap. in as much as i don't want to sound like the beatles during the latter part of their career, the profound intangibles of spirituality resonates with me deeply. i'm not seeking to be saved, i'm not eager for enlightenment, but what i am out for is to find meaning.

and perhaps while feeling dead inside, to have a reason to trudge through life.

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