post-hominidae

all she had truly wanted was love.

growing up she had felt unworthy of love. it manifested in other people's mistreatment of her. she couldn't reconcile that dissonance, so she needed to be someone deserving of that ire.

nevertheless, she still felt a strong desire to be loved.

so she needed to constantly test people of their love for her. she always had a loaded gun, and in almost every step of the way she would shoot herself in the foot. because of how poorly valued she felt, she needed people to work harder to prove that she is indeed worth loving.

she likewise needed a sense of security.

it could be having the same church together, the same tattoo together, or even having your own child. she needed that leverage because once that has been established, in her mind, there's an anchor that would ensure that she has a shore to call her home. this allowed her to continue her vicious cycle of sequentially seeking and pushing away love.

but then things got out of hand. and she made an enemy out of me.

i too have my fair share of personal demons. ones that are tenacious, vengeful, and ruthless. personal demons that i've learned to love as parts of me. personal demons that gave me peace of mind knowing that i could love with all my heart and not be afraid because there's a presence in me that assures an errant person's descent into destruction.

personal demons that, if left unchecked, could land me a spot on the nightly news.

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