fifth wall break

it's a real rollercoaster of emotions - sometimes it's rage, sometimes it's shame, sometimes it's disgust, but it's never relief.

logically i should find freedom in discovering that i was being cheated on early in a critical period of our relationship. let go and let her suffer. no amount of excuses or appeals to pity should ever make it okay. there are consequences to her actions, and she will have to live with it. no matter how much i love her. if it wasn't truly reciprocated in the first place, then i'm just being an idiot for letting myself feel any compassion or mercy to her situation.

during our first kiss she told me "you're digging your own grave" - in retrospect, she was right.

i should probably get tested.

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