ah well

all the pain stems from me not getting the desired outcome.

a long and happy life with her, kids that she and i will raise together, a home where we'll always wake up next to each other.

but ah well... that's not how things turned out for me.

through enough rumination, reflection, and reevaluation - i managed to find inner reconciliation. i'm now prepared to go through this recovery process with an firm level-headedness which i hope to sustain until such time that i've managed to entirely let go every ember that keeps this man on fire ablaze.

this experience has been transformative. i may have lost the love for one woman, but in exchange, i gained the love of several people in my life. those that don't let a difference in timezone be a hindrance in keeping continued communication, those that had the patience to try to understand me and my struggle in such an absurd predicament, those that maintained compassion despite my numerous blunders, those that knew the right words to say to bring me to a better headspace.

in return, my eyes were opened up to what love truly is. the sincere reciprocity of good deeds, the appreciation of inherent beauty of everything, the respect for even the ugliest realities, the acceptance of anything life throws your way and to have the ability to endure and be able to say:

ah well... no regrets.

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