a new lease on life

breaking up with her at the time of a questionable pregnancy may have been the biggest lease on life i've ever stumbled upon.

my recent blog entries have been abhorrently bleak, the thought of fatherhood taking away my life scared me, the looming stress of my then-girlfriend sucks the life out of me - on a whole, i have been utterly lacking in life.

the absurdly convoluted circumstance for me deciding to break up with her will leave a lot of people speechless. it still hurts as fuck, but that's simply because betrayal is a bitch, but going through one in an extended of period of time having thought of shit going down being your fault and yours alone - it can be quite jarring to step back into the real world where you're not under the glow of the gaslight.

nevertheless, i will get better. i've been in such a long rut that there's no where to go but up.

admittedly, i may have hit rock bottom. this is perhaps the lowest that i've gone. but at the end of the day, it's all my fault for being too loyal to the wrong kinds of people.

and let me tell you folks, loyalty isn't always rewarded with loyalty. especially when money is involved. but that's just how erring humans can get. it's in a lot of ways twisted, but the exit strategy is elegantly simple.

it is to never turn back.

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