weak six

if there's anything this recent string of bad weeks has taught me, it's that it takes a lot of me to learn any lesson.

i'm mostly dense. really. for all of my ability to connect and interpret subtle cues about the world, when it comes to myself i am simply slower than everyone else. i'm not particularly happy about it, but i'm compassionate enough to let myself be visibly vulnerable about my weaknesses.

besides, inebriation is always good for something.

my life is effectively over - i used to think i was anhedonic, not being able to feel any positive response to those which i used to enjoy, but i never knew it could be possible to actually have a negative response to them. i have much bigger responsibilities now that any time spent not doing something productive to contribute to the bigger issue at hand feel like i'm running out of time.

i constantly feel that i'm running out of time, but never has it felt like it was this amped up to the point of panic, helplessness, and a general sense of defeat. but perhaps just like any bodily function, we just have approach this mechanically and get from point A to B with minimal hitches.

perhaps it would be much easier if the right people were involved, or in love.

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