chopsuey

variety is the spice of life. and as i grow older, it's becoming more and more in consonance with my values.

i don't overeat anymore of the same thing in one sitting, however i still obsess over the same food for an extended period of time. but somehow, perhaps with age, as my body deteriorates -- maybe -- i grow more and more disgusted with myself when i don't have a variety of food to eat in a single day. i've been more conscious with having to eat at least vegetables and different kinds of meat throughout the day. maybe it stems from my behavior to try to live efficiently. let's see if it concretely contributes to my health.

i don't binge on tv shows or other forms of entertainment, for that matter -- at least as far as practicable. while i still enjoy them thoroughly, i'm more aware of the mental saturation and how it manifests physically with strained eyes and an aching back. perhaps as i grow older, my brain can absorb less of what's presented to me, and it's not like i just zone out with what i'm actually watching, i still obsess over every little on-screen detail, and it gets quite exhausting.

and if there's a general theme to my latest run of writings, it's that i am extremely exhausted with existing.

i have a week off without my girlfriend and hence a week off of having to go home late, and keeping my sleep intact -- or so i think (in actuality, i've only really gained maybe an hour of extra sleep, but time spent with her is leaps and bounds better than spending my nights alone, which isn't to say i'm not enjoying my alone time, i love it immensely too -- and this is too long for a parenthesis enclosed sentence). i'm still exhausted. not even a vacation makes it easier (granted, my last vacation was in sydney where i barely got enough sleep nor actual rest. it was pretty damn stressful for a vacation). i'm just so damn tired all the time.


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