from the man on fire, to the woman of the stars

after half a decade, we finally met eye-to-eye. i finally saw the woman whom i once loved. 

"love" is the right word. after years of denial, resentment and grief, i've come to accept that, at its core, it has always been love. no matter how the word's meaning has been reframed.

for the longest time, people asked: what would you do if i saw her again? i never gave it much thought, i kept saying: i'll feel whatever i'll feel in the moment.

and so the moment came.

from afar, i saw her slender figure.

as i got closer, her shape became more familiar.

and when i finally saw her face, the contours etched deep in my memory.

to my surprise, i smiled. involuntarily.

even more surprising, she smiled back.

that beautiful smile i once worked so hard to earn. that same smile that made everything feel better. years later, i get finally see that smile again. effortlessly returned, as if on instinct. and somehow, that smile still carried the same magic.

i felt an existential weight lifted. all of the pain, the mess, the tragedy were irrelevant. my old insecurities and shortcomings forgotten. as it turns out, i still had a place for her in the depths of my heart. no matter how tattered, torn or scarred.

i'm not in love again. i don't desire for her. but i definitely feel a strong sense of compassion.

she's a soul deserving of love. her decisions don't define her. other people's judgements don't define her worth.

most of what we had has faded as a distant memory. only thing remained is an echo of a love that once rang true.