glass cannon

i keep forgetting that i should be caring less.

it has done wonders for my mental health. i'm less angry, i'm more at peace, and life goes by smoothly. more often than not, i get into trouble when i start caring by getting invested in an idea. i'm too passionate for my own good. anything less than the best won't suffice. but life doesn't give you that. you never get the absolute best, at most, all you get is a relative good. i know it to be true, but i forget it in the heat of the moment.

the world is defined by limitations. and there's plenty of them. it's when we ask more than what's possible, we start going into hairy territory. i've been trying really hard to avoid situations that bring out the worst in me. scrolling through my social media news feeds laden with manipulative machinations and general stupidity, putting myself in situations where i have a habitually proven weakness, dealing with actual human beings. there are a lot of them. i'm effectively making my world smaller, but i'm convinced it's the right thing to do cause that way i deal the least amount of damage to myself and others. i'd like to think it's for the greater good. i'm not the most stable of individuals, and making sure i'm in the most hermetically sealed environment possible is a decent way of mitigating my volatility.

if i were to be true to myself, i have no business being alive in this kind of world. we're constantly called to venture into the hazards and danger of life's chaos and uncertainties. at my core, i'm made of incredibly weak materials. i recognize that. so i simply put myself out of harm's way.

that way, i can squeeze out just enough time to barely make it to the finish line.

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