epic center

i don't tell people enough how much i hate them.

it was always a sign of weakness for me. as soon as anyone knows they've gotten into your head, you give them a clear upper hand. i don't like that. no one should ever see how weak i am. but that also means i'm oftentimes the bad guy. because if you don't complain about the other person, they presume they're always right. that too isn't an ideal situation either. i have no idea how to strike a balance. i'm either quietly stockpiling all the negative energy thrown to me, or i'm exploding in all directions with the bullets and shrapnel i've held on to. i am hideo kojima's man on fire.

i don't know how to tell people how much i hate them.

i can get brutally honest. but only with those that are objectively describable. i will tell people how ugly their physical appearances are or how poorly they have done things. but i will never tell people how badly they make me feel. i'm instead wired for insidious revenge by making them feel terrible in the most inconspicuous way possible. because to tell others that they have made you feel bad is weakness, but to make others feel bad is strength.

the simple formula perhaps is to never fuck with me. nobody would ever know how, because nobody even knows half of who i am. so it's much better for me to just keep a safe distance to prevent people being caught in the blast radius.

the complicated formula, on the other hand, is for me to learn how to have healthy human relationships. now where the fuck do i start with that.

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