autopsy

"how can we help you?" 

simple, but good question. i was stumped. it occurred to me that i have no answer. i've been complaining about depression for far too long without thinking of a way to get out.

it's just managing the wave of lack of motivation. so, i say. there's no cause, it's genetic. simply just born this way. be it as it may, what if there's a reason why it remains? no real effort to seek medical attention. absence of social fabric to catch my fall into darkness. there isn't perhaps one answer to fix everything. it seems like a complicated problem that ought to have multiple points of attack.

maybe medication, maybe social support, maybe lifestyle changes.

that's the thing, i have all these ideas, but i'm not piecing them together definitively for a solution. it's as if i don't want to be fixed. if i can't answer the question now, how could they answer "why did he die?"