nostalgia

i'm a guy in my 30s. 

the kind of youth i have gotten used to feels distant. artifacts help re-live the vibe. oh how mentally limited and physically limitless was i. that was it. unceremoniously passing by. unlike the graduations i had gotten used to, there is no culminating activity marking the commencement into full fledged adulthood.

living in the past feels nice. the world is changing into something i haven't absolutely accepted yet. i have all these seemingly useless learnings that aren't as applicable today. having all these memories feel like a burden. i have lived experience that anchors me to a bygone era. but these fragments also form part of my wisdom.

being wise now feels less chaotic. no matter how much life changes, some patterns stay the same, still discernible, still actionable. seeing it all before brings me closer to the right path. living presents a constant challenge to adapt, and i chose the hard way. i never sought guidance. it could have saved me from multiple disasters. but again, i chose the hard way.

the hard way didn't seem to result in greater rewards. just deeper cuts and more embedded wisdom. its utility has yet to be seen.

but perhaps that's for a time when i become a guy in my 40s.

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