scheduled visits

i haven't written in a while despite having a daily reminder on my phone to write. i've given up and just removed that notification from ever reminding me of my failure.

somehow for months, i'm fine being a failure.

i don't feel like writing. i don't wish to allot any amount of time to put my thoughts here. i have better things to do, admittedly, i'm not doing them. i've actually been wasting a lot of my time over sub-optimally productive activities, but such is the case of unguided self-soothing.

i haven't been living a good life lately. on weekdays, i've grown dependent on the efficacy of pills and capsules to keep me functional. on weekends, i've been sinking into my couch constantly clicking the conveniently placed "next episode" or "next turn" prompt.

in all fairness, my life has been moving forward. right now, i don't like the direction. maybe in the future, with the wisdom of 20/20 hindsight, i will likely see how this all benefits me. i never had any faith for what the future holds, but the alternative is nihilism, and that's just a defensive philosophy to minimize the pain from unfulfilled optimism.

i've been hurt enough times to know that it will turn around for the better eventually. so maybe hope is a better strategy.

Comments

  1. Jiggly PuffDecember 15, 2022 at 6:24 PM

    Great how you ended this blog with high hopes. It's not a common word/topic in your blog and I'm happy to find you writing something a bit more positive. And yes, everything will turn out for the better.

    ReplyDelete

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