creep walk

i made the mistake of not making mistakes in my 20s.

people are more forgiving for when the youth screws up. i was never particularly forgiving of myself, and that made me scared of being bold. i tried to work around it by being reckless, thinking that starting with ill intentions will soften the sting of looking stupid. but a façade of vulnerability isn't as good as an armor as actual courage.

i deprived myself of a period of rich learning experiences. lessons don't feel as full when it doesn't come with firsthand failures and concrete consequences. fear is a natural signal for keeping us alert and mindful of life's dangers. survival requires us to mitigate threats, but when tomorrow is an absolute assurance, when modernity affords us comforts of remote and virtual perils, we grow averse to necessary evils.

i try to make up for lost time. unfortunately, when done too late, wisdom gets harder to come by.

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