vow of poverty

when adulthood comes along, our worth starts to get measured monetarily.

we seem to have an innate desire to measure ourselves. it starts out with grades, but as soon as you get a job you're measured by income. it's a good proxy metric for our value. with good grades, it makes it easier for employers to filter job applicants. with good salary, it makes it easier for us to live comfortably, it's numbers. it's practical. it's economics.

and if anything, i'm a man of economics.

unfortunately, i don't find the allure of such value appraisal framework. i've had enough money to know that there's more to life than material wealth. there is no significant difference between my life when i was barely scraping by and now that i live in abundance. i just have fancier things and plentiful meals. and since i have more of them, i've taken them for granted. i still have the same 24 hours a day, and with more money, the only difference is the variety of options.

and i hate it.

i hate being torn in so many different directions. i hate knowing that making a choice also means missing out on everything else.

why can't life be just simple.

it used to be. back when i didn't had a lot of money to spend. i was limited by my budget. and that was good, because a definitive "no" meant i didn't have to tire myself with the mental effort of weighing my options.

but people don't see it that way. most people still believe that more money is better. because they're rational. because they know the consequences of not having nice things. that's how the real world operates. that's how a thriving society should be run. but i'm not a part of that club. more money hasn't been making me any happier. i have more than enough. and i have no idea what else i will do it with it. i don't care for making investments - it's just another way to measure a man's value with numbers. i hate how others tell me that i should be making more money. i don't want to debate my existence. i don't force them to play by my rules, so i'd appreciate it if they don't force me to play by theirs. and if the cost of maintaining values mean that i have to detach from them, then it's a price i'm willing to pay.

because my peace is priceless.

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