the decision

i'm afraid of dental appointments. i had a near miss with root canal operation. i feared it so much that it put my openness to death in perspective.

i had thought i was not afraid of dying. but i really worry. how much would it hurt to have a heart attack? how much would it hurt to have cancer? how much would it hurt to be in a vehicular accident? then again, i realized i was really only afraid of pain. i don't want to get hurt. not anymore. it's unfair for me to welcome the benefits of death when i want to avoid the negatives that come with it.

i guess what i really do want is an escape. i just want to be relieved with the burdens of life. but as with anything good, there's a cost to it.

it's a choice between the wonders of life and the bullshit that people and circumstances bring, or the release of dying and the immense pain of having your corporeal form terminated.

it's not a no-brainer.

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