reflexive

very rarely do i see people come up with ideas of their own.

i find that people for the most part have only been parroting ideas or anecdotes. their words have value because they repeat the words of smarter, funnier, or outspoken figures. anyone can immediately upgrade themselves as long as the requisite memory and eloquence to co-opt words of wisdom. which works, again for the most part, cause it ensures harmonious relationships among people with similar values. people will gravitate toward resonant sentiments. it creates a social support system, and that's good.

but it doesn't sit well with me that majority of people will settle with just being mere mirrors of other concepts.

perhaps it's because i have poor recall so i can't accurately regurgitate the various knowledge i've been consuming. i start with describing the right name of the person, place or thing, but midway through my narrative, i fumble my facts and just spin the story to make sense in the end. but at the very least, i have my own inputs on things. i see the world a certain way. at times it feels crushingly lonely, there's nobody else that could fully understand me because i'm not echoing talking points of any collective.

it gets to a point where you need to sacrifice some individuality to gain a sense of belonging. there are things i must do to avoid my heart getting shattered.