a tale of two

i feel for single mothers. i really do. yeah sure, i'm the asshole for leaving my ex as a single mother herself, but i still feel for women like her. it takes a village to raise a child, and to have one less villager is enough of a loss. it's not the end of the world though. the human spirit is strong. any woman brave enough to take parenting on her own has a shit ton of resolve. it's not ideal cause you need to distribute the burden of caring for a child to several other people to maintain sanity, but we're handed predicaments in all shapes and sizes all the time, the least we can do is try. i have a lot of respect for those that try, no matter the outcome, whether they raise a bad bastard or a lebron james. parenting is hard, and doing it solo is exponentially harder.

i also feel for those that abandon single mothers. i am one, so i'm doing my best to reprezent. we're all bad. we chose to be selfish over something as precious as another human being's life. there's a special place in hell for us, especially those that don't try to make amends. it's a grave injustice for the woman to have to carry the burden of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting while the likes of us are livin' it up. for us to downplay the miracle of life as an episode to walk out from show the worst of humanity.

and i'm sorry.

but i don't feel anything about it now. back then, i felt shame, i felt sorrow, i felt rage. but those feelings were stemming from a piece of me that needed to be purged. for me to continue on living, a part of me had to die. i lost a piece of humanity from the trauma i went through. on the other hand, my ex gained a new life to love. she may be exhausted for having to do it on her own, but she's fulfilled nonetheless. she's a beaming example of the best of humanity.

and i'm the exact opposite.