just breathe

it's been a couple of days and i can't wait for it to end.

the older i get, more things cause me to feel like shit. i used to love all-you-can eat buffets, but a couple of years back, i started to notice got fuller much quicker and the price for unlimited raw fish doesn't seem worth it anymore. just last year, i can sleep late and wake up fine, but now it wrecks my entire system rendering myself mostly useless. my mind remembers how to move with energy as a young person, but now my body won't let me.

i shouldn't be feeling this old at this age. i see much older people than me appearing youthful or managing better than i'm doing. it eats me to think how worse it might get in the future. it's bad as it is but i'm doing a decent enough job to keep myself healthy minimize the consequences. unfortunately, it doesn't feel easy and the trend indicates that it will only get harder. we all have to face it somehow. it will be cowardly of me to avoid it. but i wish i could. i wish i could just not wake up and deal with all this pain. i royally fucked up for not taking care of myself. i'm royally fucked for not having others that took care of me. now i'm paying the price for what i failed to do and the failure i was put in.

it doesn't feel it's worth another day.

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