wet sigh

socializing further highlights the loneliness.

it would have been understandable to feel lonely if i was actively pushing people away. but going out of my way to be socially present just adds another dimension to the lie i'm living. i can fake it convincingly. but always, at the end of the day, i feel empty.

i just don't feel alive anymore. like i'm consciously occupying an avatar of myself. as if i'm just seeing life unfold through the eyes of a sentient being on auto-pilot. everything has gotten so mechanical and predictable. i've been there and done that. i'm just re-doing them again and again.

what's the point.

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