wait and shed

i look outside my window and just watch a heavy downpour where you're almost unable to see anything past a couple of hundred of meters off in the distance. now's a good time to cuddle for some people. but i never really shared their appreciation for the rain.

i do get it though. the gloominess of it all is conducive for getting cozy. now's a good time for a warm beverage or a hearty bowl of soup. now's a good time to pull out a blanket and drape it all over yourself. now's a good time to stay put and enjoy the creature comforts you have around you. granted they're all nice and i'd in fact welcome those things at this time. but my general experience with rain rarely nice.

rainy season always meant i was stuck somewhere. stuck inside the house so i can't go out and play with friends. stuck inside the train station cause i don't like any part of my body getting wet from having to run towards a vehicle going home. stuck in the middle of a flood cause cars were never made to be amphibious. and i hate feeling stuck. i have to be always moving towards something. cause being stuck means not having the power to affect anything in your immediate surroundings. i hate feeling powerless. it eats away at my sense of autonomy which i try to fiercely maintain. i've gotten to where i am right now with very little help from my friends. i've gone pretty fast through life by running this race alone. but i'm not an absolute curmudgeon, not yet at least. i do recognize the value of being wrong for the greater good. so yes, i will give up some aspects of life just to be dependent on others because of course a single stick does not a shelter make.

even if it means carrying someone else's weight.

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