hermitage

intimacy has always scared me.

i was never one to directly open up to anyone, other than with my opinion on matters where i'm armed with substantiations and none of my sincerest positions. having someone physically present to misjudge you from either their inability to comprehend or your incompetence to communicate, or worse, to be with someone too self-centered to actually care is off-putting like being naked with your vulnerable core with no certainty of what the other person will do with it, other than a looming fear of things never going in your favor.

that's why it's empowering to be able to write everything about myself in this platform. cause for starters i don't have to impose my personal truths on others, and neither do i have to see people's immediate reactions. it may sound pathetic that it may seem as though all i'm doing is throwing myself into the void with nothing to catch me, i may likewise be losing out on legitimately reciprocated connections with people, but i'm left with no other choice to address my emotional needs after having gone through a shitload of social encounters that mostly got me nowhere.

while i maintain hope for humanity, in all likelihood, we never truly care about others. we merely care about ourselves or handpicked aspects of other people that matter to us. oftentimes we're are too self-absorbed to see through façades people put up. it's nothing to get butthurt about. understandably so, it's an extremely rare capability to be able to read, dissect, and make sense out of why people are people.

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