curbstamp

i feel that i'm over with a lot of things in life - things that ought to matter, things that spell the difference between being a consequential figure or a statistical footnote.

while it may not necessarily be a monotonous sleep-wake cycle, i feel that this is it for me. i've hit a cul de sac that i'll probably spin around for the foreseeable future. i've put on such an admirable façade in recent memory - and i say that not as fraud, but as someone who does his best to keep shit together. clearly, in this safe space of a blog i have, i'm battered as fuck. but for majority of my time, i manage to keep my head afloat.

and it is necessary.

my willingness to be such a doormat just to bring other people's happiness has been instrumental, i feel. in as much as i try to have good days, i've been truly failing miserably as a personal endeavor, and as such the most that i can do is to live vicariously through the best days i help them have.

and i'm content with that, you can't exactly have a journey when there's no more pavement to run on.

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