celestiality

it can get frustrating to have people put the spotlight on me when all i want is for them to have the best time as the main star.

having gone through a traumatizing experience triggered a hell of an outburst from me akin to a supernova. all i really am now is a mess diffused stardust where nothing could physically be drawn to revolve around me. or at the very least, that's how i see myself so it's quite dissonant to be given a bit of attention. but yeah, i have to smile like i mean it. even when i know it's a waste of time.

not that i don't appreciate other people's efforts. i really do and i love them to bits. but it's just hard for me to come to terms with how i'm deserving of good things happening to me when i'm clearly a person worth betraying to the gravest possible degree. i honestly see no glimmer of hope no matter how much the stage lights are shone on me.

it can be agonizing to feel as if i'm living such a lie. and maybe there's a bit of genuineness in people's concern with me, i may really be such a poor thing that needs patience, understanding and the right kind of attention. unfortunately, my reality has been so distorted that i don't even think what i see is actually real.

because i bear the burden of so much weight that not even light escapes me as a supermassive black hole.

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