feeding program for the soul

i fulfilled a couple of wishes just recently and i'm satisfied with myself.

in all likelihood, i'll be making a career out of granting wishes like a small-scale make-a-wish foundation but i'll use my own resources and i get no material gain out of it. and that's totally fine, it's the path i'm more than willing to pursue. it brings me a sense of satisfaction that no retail therapy or self-care routine could ever do.

i've been mostly feeding my personal desires for most of my life, and while the thrill of the chase and the high of the accomplishment was enough to get me by, it's a pretty fleeting feeling. perhaps, it's the depression talking, but oftentimes i really did feel eerily empty despite having had a couple of nice things and accomplishments under my belt. unbeknownst to me, what really fulfilled me was doing good for others.

altruism wouldn't have ever crossed my consciousness as among the values that resonate the most with me, as i've always been the douche, the jerk, the asshole. and i've long accepted that my moral alignment will swing south so much so that i facetiously claim that i'm a satanist. but just as i've always held since the earliest days of my youth: we never turn out the way we thought we would

so i guess i'm riding this wave of an uncharacteristic positive energy emanating from me. i'll probably be spending more than what my budget is used to and getting less sleep than i ought to be getting, but it's a pretty interesting direction when a man who thinks he will die tomorrow is the same person who has a strong desire to do good for others just for the hell of it.

applications are open, motherfuckers.

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