depression s27e274

a surge of sadness sweeps upon me once more.

it's been a while, i've been mostly angry for the past couple of months - manic really. so this heavy depressive mood is a welcome reprieve. it has been such a series of blisteringly blazing blur of blissful breaks, and perhaps just like an engine that overheats, i'm forced to take a breather.

but these episodes aren't new to me, as a kid who was supposed to be happy-go-lucky for the most part, i've always battled my illogical internal struggles. and in as much as i'm grateful to have a support system around me, i'd feel too bad to burden them with meandering about my musings. it's liberating to be able to drone on about something as simple as "i'm sad" and stretch it to a couple of paragraphs so as to get a better grasp of the core of my thought process through this blog.

yeah sure, having grown a sizeable support cast, my friends ought to be available and present in the moment to hear me out, but it feels all too contrived. no one has really proven to me that they could actually listen to the withheld wailing of the broken boy inside me. and i'd really not bother them with my personal drama because the last thing i want to be is a drag to any relationship. it'll be a more productive use of our collective time if i either made them laugh, engage them intellectually, or be their shoulder to cry on.

deep breaths, cause i'm gonna sink for a while.

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