cathode ray gun

i guess we're back to regular scheduled programming.

i don't feel a constant state of rage - unless i'm driving with other dicks on the road. i don't have difficulty sleeping anymore - unless there's a someone i'd really really really enjoy talking to. i've maintained a healthy appetite - unless... well.. my appetite's always there, we can't do anything about it - i'm probably on my way to getting fat again.

but being back on track again doesn't mean returning to the status quo.

what was once known as the "status quo" - one of social isolation, self-centeredness, and a routinary shackle of habits designed around personal creature comforts - was actually just a chapter of my life. not that i didn't want to go back to the firmly grounded and deeply rooted lifestyle, it's just there's a world out there that calls out to me in a manner more sensible than what i had previously thought was going to be my life's daily loop.

we just learn to get to know ourselves better.

a lot of who i am right now in recent memory has felt more genuine - an uncompromising and unbridled rage that gets me going, a desire to be a conduit to materialize seemingly stupid or petty personal aspirations, and a socially transcendental butterfly that cuts across any known societal constructs. and perhaps that's the good thing i got coming out from one of the darkest times of my life, a chance to break down a lot of the calcified politeness borne from false pretenses to be able to confidently and comfortably reveal a version of myself most congruent with my personal values, both good and bad.

i guess the channel surfing's over.

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