without rose-tinted glasses
no matter how hard, i have to purge all of this negativity within me so i can move forward unencumbered by a terrible past.
there isn't anything redeeming in the past couple of years. i didn't gain anything of meaning nor value that i could bring with me into the future. we could rationalize and claim that i gained wisdom to become a better lover the next time around, but what i know now isn't any better than what i already knew from my first girlfriend. objectively, my first experience of an actual relationship overwhelmingly outdid my recent rendezvous.
now we're not about to reconnect with an old flame - there's a reason why we break up with people and not with circumstances.
i'm a guy who knows my worth, and being sold on my own bullshit, i knew i was getting an unfairly short end of the stick with my former partner. but being in my late 20s - looking to settle down, looking to live for something bigger than myself, and in some ways, performing the prerequisite penance from all the bad i've done before - i had to put up with an unbelievably unwarranted set of ordeals that someone of my stature doesn't deserve. but now, not anymore, i'm supercharging my sojourn of self-improvement that i had put on hold because i decided to be destructively devoted to a deceiver.
but credit where it's due, it wasn't entirely bad. she does have a beautiful face and nice body (as long as she's clothed - you seriously don't want to see what's underneath. i get that capricorns represent the retirement age of the zodiac, but can that be limited to the stars and not to how some parts of the physical realm are hanging?), but that doesn't have a lot of staying power, and it can't outweigh how much of a bitch (in a sense that she is both a whore and an unpleasant woman) she can be. yeah sure, there's a superficial sweetness to her, but that she can do to a man she loves, to a married man she's sucking money off from, and a plethora of other guys to make her feel less lonely - and i could easily get a girlfriend experience somewhere else and with the added bonus of no strings and pangs of pain attached for the price of a dinner date.
i approached the relationship with excitement in mind - our next meal, date, or whatever couple's activity should be something we both should be excited for. and still trying out that mindset now, i don't find anything about her that i'm excited to return to.
not even the prospect of fatherhood.
there isn't anything redeeming in the past couple of years. i didn't gain anything of meaning nor value that i could bring with me into the future. we could rationalize and claim that i gained wisdom to become a better lover the next time around, but what i know now isn't any better than what i already knew from my first girlfriend. objectively, my first experience of an actual relationship overwhelmingly outdid my recent rendezvous.
now we're not about to reconnect with an old flame - there's a reason why we break up with people and not with circumstances.
i'm a guy who knows my worth, and being sold on my own bullshit, i knew i was getting an unfairly short end of the stick with my former partner. but being in my late 20s - looking to settle down, looking to live for something bigger than myself, and in some ways, performing the prerequisite penance from all the bad i've done before - i had to put up with an unbelievably unwarranted set of ordeals that someone of my stature doesn't deserve. but now, not anymore, i'm supercharging my sojourn of self-improvement that i had put on hold because i decided to be destructively devoted to a deceiver.
but credit where it's due, it wasn't entirely bad. she does have a beautiful face and nice body (as long as she's clothed - you seriously don't want to see what's underneath. i get that capricorns represent the retirement age of the zodiac, but can that be limited to the stars and not to how some parts of the physical realm are hanging?), but that doesn't have a lot of staying power, and it can't outweigh how much of a bitch (in a sense that she is both a whore and an unpleasant woman) she can be. yeah sure, there's a superficial sweetness to her, but that she can do to a man she loves, to a married man she's sucking money off from, and a plethora of other guys to make her feel less lonely - and i could easily get a girlfriend experience somewhere else and with the added bonus of no strings and pangs of pain attached for the price of a dinner date.
i approached the relationship with excitement in mind - our next meal, date, or whatever couple's activity should be something we both should be excited for. and still trying out that mindset now, i don't find anything about her that i'm excited to return to.
not even the prospect of fatherhood.
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