think thanks

i was taught to be gracious in defeat.

having processed a lot of my negative emotions and having talked things out with my newly established and diversely extensive support system, i'm grateful for the loss.

i'm grateful that i didn't cause the break up. i was merely the victim of a girl who cheated on me and horribly mistreated me while her infidelity was going on behind the scenes. as the aggrieved, the cargo that i carry is merely getting over the betrayal and the abuse she dished out. on the other hand, she will have her conscience for tainted for the rest of her life for having done something wrong on so many different levels. and at a young age of being in her early 20s, she has to live with her disgusting self for relatively longer compared to the dirty old men who cheat on their wives (and whom my former partner has cheated with) in their 40s or 50s. and if the childbirth pushes through, she'll have a constant reminder of her whoring side gig. hopefully that kid looks like her sugar daddy, so it all the more drives the point that the miracle of childbirth happened because she fucked around with her married boss in exchange for money.

i'm grateful i can still be completely honest with myself and with others. there's no shame in being cheated on, there's no shame in leaving a pregnant partner when you have reason to believe that you're not the biological father of what she's carrying, there's no shame in expressing extreme negativity for the betrayal and the pain i've felt. i can freely tell people my real side of the story, and again, my conscience won't be carrying such a huge burden - i'm a free man. in fact, having gone through that shit show, i've turned into a much more interesting man, one that could connect with others better and deeper.

and most importantly, i'm grateful that i lost her.

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