kamikaze chiaroscurist

i'm always willing to dive into painful situations - of course, i'm an athlete and a reckless individual, throwing myself like a fool is in my genes.

there's no method to the madness, i do a lot of things without thinking them through. i simply bank on an extremely malleable adaptability, an optimistic regard for the future, and readiness to accept any outcome. so it was never really a problem for me to be in any bad situation. of course there will be the initial struggle to accept the new normal, just as i feel terribly nervous right before i go on stage for any talk, but it's simply a matter of learning to embrace the entire experience from the bad until you get through what's good.

this has been the worst period i've gone through in recent memory, the last time i really felt this bad was way back in puberty, but perhaps it's simply a matter of having that one major traumatic experience for every phase of my life to keep me on my toes and perhaps remind me how vibrant life is by presenting bleak contrasts.

so i trust that it's going to be better, because appreciating the light won't happen when you don't accentuate the dark.

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