i went to see the games

it has always been my aspiration to represent the country in sports.

i believed i had it in me - i was genetically gifted with the height, quick reaction times, the ability to almost intuitively read the opponent's game. i was also lucky to have been in one of the best high school football programs in the country. no less than the then-national head coach saw the potential in me and took me under his wing. during trainings, he would pull me away from the team and make me focus on the weaknesses of my game.

and that's when my more inherent weaknesses insidiously crept out.

in my youth, all i wanted was to be on the field and play. and with my coach focusing solely on me, i was singled out every training as that one kid that never got to play. i never saw it as a learning opportunity, i never saw it as a chance for improvement. it frustrated me, and got my head out of the game. instead of getting better, my morale was spiraling down.

had a mentor figure guided me to see the bigger picture and to trust the process, i would've seized the moment and perhaps i could've had the chance to prove myself as member of the national team, but i shouldn't be ruminating on the "shoulda woulda coulda" because being unable to achieve my goal all boiled down to the lack of hard work.

i was never the hardest of workers.

i was always impatient, i needed shit done the soonest and the most efficient way possible. i hate wastage and unnecessary downtimes. my first choice was always the path of least resistance.

but that's not how the most meaningful things in life work out - you need to grind, you need to persevere, you need to see things through up until the end.

because no book is published unbound.