forsaken father

she ruined fatherhood for me.

i used to want to be a single dad. i like the idea of solely taking care of a kid, a daughter ideally. there's something about the challenge of being two parents at the same time that calls to me so deeply.  but even if in an ideal world, where she dies during childbirth and her family decides on the idiotic thing to do by forcing me to be responsible for the abandoned child, i'd still be disgusted with the vagina that the bastard will come out from.

so yeah, scratch that - don't want her to die, i want her to live, a long life at that, one where she'll be haunted by her screw ups that perpetuates her perception of herself as a woman unworthy of love.

if satan were to bless me with children in the future - and hopefully not with a hoe that will betray me - i'm pretty sure i'll be ready. hell, i'm ready now and i thought i was going to have a kid of my own in a family i will love. it's just a matter of having the pieces fall into place.

but it takes two to tango, whether or not my song will come, i'll keep dancing to the beat of my drum.

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