enlightenment

i was standing in the middle of the famed ayala lights last night. same place, same time last year when i was still with a girl whom i once loved.

i thought going there would be bittersweet, probably traumatizing even. maybe it was the grand christmas music and the colorful light show, i don't know, but somehow a feeling of acceptance dawned on me. having accepted that it was only right that we aren't together anymore. having accepted that i've done my part, to the best of my ability, to help her get through a year or two of her life. having accepted that now it's my turn to be taken cared of, and there's no other person more suited to do that than myself.

for the longest time, i've been doing my best to take care of myself - to stay happy, excited, and full of life. of course, for a while, it has taken a backseat during my recent relationship as i had endeavored to impart that same exuberance for existence to my former partner whom i saw as someone that needed nursing to her soul. during our time, her needs always came first, and at times, claimed second and third priority simultaneously. i was perhaps too much of a martyr to have done all of that given the circumstance that ended the relationship. but the more that i'm growing detached from the relationship and the more other aspects of my life regain its original relevance, as a result, the more i can see things clearly and objectively for what they truly are, what they meant to me, and what steps i can take moving forward.

perhaps my days of damagingly depressing darkness are coming to a close - and perhaps the colorful lights of ayala triangle are the first to illuminate the way.